a fashion overhaul should be in effect

once i return from my travels (around aug 20th or so) i am planning to sift through my many clothes and salvage what i can and throw away at least 60% of the rest. holding onto all of this shit allows me to remain in the same relative state of fashion i was in during high school, makes it more difficult to move on.

these ramblings seem largely unimportant, even to me, or... to a part of me (of the many warring factions in my mind), but to the part that does find meaning in all of this i have been feeling for some time that i need to find my own individuality in the clothes i wear, and since i'm currently attempting to separate myself from the materialistic masses aching to throw away their last dollar on cheap, mass-produced shit, it would help if i didn't wear clothes that reflect a kind of opposite value than the one i find myself gravitating towards.

so, with that said, i'm no longer going to allow myself to enter malls. or high-priced consumer-driven retail stores. all thrift shops. yet another way to maintain my separatist attitude, which makes me feel overjoyed. granted i can't afford to enter malls anyway, and probably shouldn't enter thrift stores either, but i've got to give myself a little something to splurge on.

first things first. where the fuck is that perfect job? i'm currently attempting to pretend to be an amazing bartender so i can do just that and make the money and have the go-ahead to treat people like shit (at least the ones making lewd and/or obnoxious/ignorant comments).

but FIRST i must figure out a way to not be such a wretched trip-packer, but i did manage to stuff everything in my bags so that's good enough... though the moment you unzip and everything spills out in an array of unorganized shit you realize that i've packed for three weeks enough clothes to last me for three months (as though there are no washing machines where i'm headed).

you just NEVER KNOW.

i like options.

i also love the rain, not just for it's calming sound but because it gives me an excuse to not continue looking for jobs, and i can feel content and guilt-free spending my night indoors writing silly irrelevant blogs and stalking people on facebook. ahh, the naught years. i pretend not to be caught up in it but, well, i also seem incapable of telling lies and so there you have it. i am a study in dualities.

i am everything all at once fighting constantly for control over this person known as 'me', who will win? as always, a toss-up.