of course, don't be fooled.

i am, despite what some people think (or what i think some people think), very aware that i am making sacrifices for this lifestyle i'm currently choosing. see, that's the thing i don't think people really understand.
will and i understand it.
it's simple, it's this: nothing is objectively good or bad, or right or wrong, everything just IS, and everything that is has a consequence. no matter how big or small whatever 'it' is, there will be a consequence. and in saying yes to 'it', you're accepting whatever consequence (out of the countless consequences that exist for any given situation) may follow.
i don't have a job, and i'm not going to school, i'm surviving on the goodwill of others and my own delusions, or whatever you want to call them. i am aware of them, so they're not really delusions. half-assed aspirations, maybe, the way that i say, yes yes tomorrow i'll wake up early and go look for a job.

i'm in a process of ripping away all the layers to get to the simplest idea, concept, reality, truth, whatever. it can be called anything. this is, admittedly, a pretty selfish, or self-absorbed, period in my life. i know that. i sacrifice the quantity of friendships i may be used to in order to absorb the entirety of this intensity with will, with my little reclusive setting here. i'm exploring the depth of myself, the possibility of true, pure love, the unity in nature, the simplicity of Truth, and on and on. and no, i can't be bothered by all the dull-witted responsibilities most people haul around. i know that eventually, in order to satisfy my most basic needs (safety, shelter, nourishment, etc), i'll have to at least set a foot in the door leading to societal norms... but i'm not doing it yet.

the relief i feel in shedding all the guilt i've been collecting over the course of my life, for stupid, petty, superficial reasons. all of the shame and insecurities and uncertainty... i'm digging through all of it and finding out all that really matters. in time, well, who knows, i don't want to know. it's the future, not the present, and the present is all that really matters. the future is all just conscious speculation, which is to say, speculation borne of ignorance. i have no need for that. it's as bad as adhering to superficiality as some kind of saving grace.

so, whatever. not many people understand my choices or my lifestyle or my beliefs or value system, i wouldn't expect them to. i'm weird, a little fucked up, that's no secret. tra la la, eh? the important thing is not that i didn't conform, but that i found another person who fits into me perfectly, where there are no secrets, everything is in front of us, we're embracing all of it cuz we're in it together, well, on and on like that... that's the important thing for all of us. not to change ourselves to become like everyone else, or what everyone else says we're supposed to become, but that we can find another person that suits us, and that, in return, we suit. because then all the weirdness is okay.

biscuit is talking more.