the truth about animals and love

the title sounds scandalous, this isn't though.

several years ago, my mom and i were eating lunch with my sister in portland. i don't know how we got on the topic of it all, probably my mom launched into one of her incessant soapbox speeches about the sanctity of marriage and how the greatest love/priority should be your marriage etc etc, and my sister may have retorted with this, i'm not sure, but jane started talking about how much she loved her dog, scout.

she said that her love for dan (her now-husband) was this calm, serene kind of love, whereas her love for her dog was this crazy, anxious love... a constant worry that somehow scout would find her way out in the middle of the street in the path of an oncoming bus or vespa or something... and at the time, i remember thinking how crazy it must be to love an animal so much, i couldn't imagine it.

but that's how i love biscuit, and it's gotta have something to do with the innocence of them, and the loyalty and the love and all the adoration they give you (they being the animals in question)... it's like having a child, really, and that sounds silly, like 'oh look at that crazy cat lady', but it is. having a little sneaky toddler that loves you more than anything. i talk to biscuit like she's a person, and she goes everywhere with us, to the point that anytime we put on shoes, she's ready to go out the door to hop in the car... i hold entire conversations with her, it's as though she's talking back, and i know it's crazy maybe, or it sounds crazy, whatever. i constantly fear biscuit's death and how it will destroy me, i look into her eyes and feel like crying sometimes because i'm already mourning her death, even though she's still alive. it's terrifying. i don't worry about will like i worry about biscuit. something about that 'little child' sort of thing, will can take care of himself, but i take care of biscuit, she's my child, she can't die.

so the whole psycho-pet love thing is sort of bad and good. i guess most everything is, so, well, that's all.