the fourth dimension

how it evades me, though it is pervasive.
these things i think i must do, where does the time go when the deadline is tomorrow or the idea has been pushed off for so long i no longer remember what it even was.
being a loner, a calm, laidback, introspective, intelligent, creative and sweet loner, yet somehow also blessed/cursed with this curious trait that draws me to care for people, albeit in an easily distanced way (in that i mean, i am fully honest in my caring for others, but it's easy for me to turn it off at the end of the day and cease worrying about this or that person in this or that bullshit situation), and so i'm something of a little paradox, preferring to be alone with my small family about me, as well as feeling the urge to care for others. i put my all into the latter, so that when i arrive home, able to embrace the former, i'm exhausted with the desperate need to recharge.
i certainly don't want to update my budget or purchase paint or ferret supplies (because this requires getting up to fish my credit card out of my purse, which is all the way across the room) or clean up the ferret shit dotting the corners in the room or keep up correspondence with anyone (regardless of how special to me they are) or do anything that whoever it is 'they' are deem necessary.
i don't understand how some 'bloggers' have a million people 'subscribing' to their blogs... how do so many people become interested in what some random dude has to say about his 2 year old kid? i've tried to read some, there's nothing interesting there because it's not about me or anyone i know and therefore their everyday lives are pretty blah. no emotional impact on me. that's why i don't care much for the news either. it doesn't penetrate my personal-world bubble, therefore it doesn't register as important on my meter. there's no emotional connection to any of it, though i'll admit it can be interesting at times. mostly it's just drivel. i believe this makes me something of a sociopath, which just furthers the conundrum that is me. or perhaps it's an advancement? what's the purpose of emotional attachment to so many far-off people/things anyway?
etc